#so this cost money period
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand��s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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my favorite snack is so pricey for the portion you get and it sucks so much, i can only buy it like once a month, if that
#last i checked its like $7 for a small bag and $13 for a regular one#i can make it last a week (maybe 2 if i snack sparingly) but i wish i didn't have to ration it so much#especially considering i already don't eat much and so i rely on snacks to get me through periods where i either don't have food or#don't feel well enough to eat 'real' food#anyway i wish i had money and i wish things didn't cost so damn much
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(salpingo-oophor-)hysterectomies should be free and they should check if you want one at your annual physical in case you're too scared to ask
#i think it's completely insane that half the population is just expected to deal with often debilitating periods for most of their life#and the only things you can do about it are either difficult to access due to money and misogyny or you have to fuck around w your hormones#which obviously can have all kinds of effects. it's fucking insane why have we not made this easy to get out of. i know why but still#but then even if you do get it out you have to leave some for the hormones or be on hrt of some kind forever#i've been debating for ages if i want to try to get just a hysto and leave the possibility of the hormone fluctuations still ruining my life#or get the whole mess out and then take pills forever? (<- guy who already takes pills forever) or get an ablation but that still leaves#room for dysphoria and the hormone shit. this is all so fucked up#and obviously any of this costs you out the ass if you can even find a doctor who's not too sexist to sterilize you. hell#STRONG evidence against a benevolent god tbh#also if cis men had something even remotely comparable you know all of the above problems would have been solved decades ago.#me
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i hate that inflation impacts even basic staple foods, like, the kind of stuff broke ppl buy. shit like store brand bread and milk and rice and beans and ramen and cereal and eggs. i feel like those things should get special immunity
#like obviously in my perfect ideal world food would not cost money at all unless u were at like a restaurant#but i shall dream smaller#also obv what is considered staple foods varies from person to person & culture to culture#for me personally i think of what my mom always bought when i was growing up. which is most of the list above#except beans. didnt buy much in the way of beans#swap that out for tuna....#there was a period of time where we didn't buy it bc it kept triggering her shellfish allergy#but then she went right back to stocking up just. so many cans
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i know that the "adulting sucks" thing has been overdone to the point of obnoxious, but seriously
seriously
adulting fucking sucks
#running the numbers on my budget and calculating how much i can afford per month on things#bc i will likely need a new car soon and i need to figure out what kind of budget i have for it and what my options are#and i get a bill from a doctor's visit in fucking november for almost $150 after insurance payout and my copay and like.#hey i was told on my insurance shit that i would only have a $50 copay! and i had met my deductible!#it legitimately looks like they waited until it rolled over to charge my insurance specifically so i would no longer have met it#like the visit was in november. why did you wait until mid-april to payout?#my insurance rolled over at the beginning of april. huh. what a fucking coincidence.#idk who to call about this but this stinks of bullshit#i should not be owing that money. period. and there is absolutely no excuse for sending me the bill for it eight months later.#and i need to clean my apartment. and i need to feed myself at some point.#and i need to cancel att and set up the comcast internet that's recently been folded into rent as an amenity#i have already gone through and canceled all the subscriptions i don't use#so check that box off#and like. i don't want a roommate and i really am not looking for a relationship with anyone.#but doing all this shit on my own and having to pay every bill on my own and having to do all the cooking and cleaning on my own is just.#exhausting#i am so so tired#and i'm looking at things and i intend to go through online school for a communications degree which will be reimbursed through my job#and there may be a lead position opening up soon which everyone seems to be pushing me towards which would be a title change#and significant raise at the cost of added stress#and i feel like butter spread over too much bread#i need to work anti-burnout measures into my schedule and budget now to get the structure i'll need#but i am already so tired#but i need the raise and i need the degree to gtfo of this career
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#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
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no like when I say any answer on the queerest city poll that’s not San Fran is wrong I mean it is factually and historically WRONG
#just. look at the history of lgbt rights and major events in queer history in the us#and I’m telling you it is. in fact. dominated by San Francisco#the other cities that contend for the most part are major us cities that contend simply because they are big and/or heavily populated#like yeah obviously dense cities are going to have a higher number of people in various demographics. im thinking mostly about nyc and#Chicago here for the most part#San Fran is not big. it’s dense but not nearly an nyc level population especially historically.#it’s very unique for having been a safehaven for queers for a long time in comparison to the rest of the country#now I am not. by any means. defending it on every front. or considering it superior in any other way basically. I am SOLELY talking about#it’s unrivaled huge and powerful and long-standing queer community#it is- in the present day- literally almost impossible to live in San Francisco. period. it is absurdly expensive.#it’s homelessness situation especially due to the insane cost of living and there takeover of tech companies and so on#is horrific and for no damn reason (the city has enough money to house people Easily through at LEAST the heavy tourism)#the queer COMMUNITY there is what’s important and it’s history of demanding rights and generally flourishing through their own efforts#anyway idk why I felt the need to ramble about this#actually yes I do it’s becuase I think a lot of younger queer people (or queer people who grew up in isolated or conservative areas don’t#know the history associated with San Francisco and why people regard it as being so fundamentally queer#like the fact that portland is in second on that poll- and this is coming from someone who likes portland overall- is so weird to me#it’s a very progressive place but boy it ain’t got the influence and history that San Fran- or even New York or chicago- have#again it’s hard to compare those big big cities to anything but nonetheless#tangential but. sacramento is also a queer-dense city and though we are small and not nearly as flashy as the other contenders it’s worth#noting I think for being more of a safehaven than people tend to think about#anyway. that’s nothing I just had to represent for a second#kibumblabs
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this family christmas hasn’t been too bad except apparently my sister invited her super conservative asshole of a coworker for some reason??? or very possibly he just. showed up. so now i would simply just like to leave 🫠
#kayleigh.txt#i mean every member of my family is a conservative asshole but like. this guy is ESPECIALLY an asshole#he was helping us remodel/renovate our 50+ year old double wide trailer this past summer#and was being super condescending and miserable and judgemental the ENTIRE time#like. wow i am SO fucking sorry we can’t all be rich and live in brand new houses instead of rotting trailers like. my bad#like my father is a 77 year old disabled veteran he doesn’t have a lot of money#and i am a 30 year old disappointment who has no money that lives with him/takes care of him lmfao#idk my family consists of ignorant conservative republican assholes and i am so tired#desperately need to get a new/better job since i lost mine and also a friend or two to move tf out with because#like we stay civil but at what cost (my mental state and/or will to live)#idk i am on my period and i am exhausted and my head hurts and my cramps are so bad today#i just wanna go home and curl up in bed and play baldur’s gate 3 or horizon forbidden west until i pass tf out 🤷🏼♀️
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ok just had my dr appt and am feeling a lot better.
we’re going to increase my dosage of the meds + do a diagnostic test on friday to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked (and i guess the test itself can improve conception rates after because of the type of dye they use?). the cost of the test is within the range i felt i could afford so that’s good too. most importantly she was really reassuring about the “if you have 3 failed cycles IUI won’t work for you” advice that is allllll over the internet. her take is that the research focuses mostly on heterosexual couples who likely had difficulties conceiving naturally for a year or more before seeking fertility care... meaning they’ve typically gone through 15-16 unsuccessful cycles (12 of trying to conceive naturally + 3-4 with IUI). in that case there’s likely some other reason things aren’t working and so it makes sense, timing wise and financially, to move on to the highest-tech option (ie IVF). but for single women and/or lesbians who are trying to conceive, those 3-4 IUI cycles are their first and only attempts. and if the medical history looks good and the person is responding well to the medication, then it might just be a timing and luck thing. so she says if everything looks good on the test we’re doing friday, she recommends that i try six cycles before we reassess. and if i can balance the costs and don’t want to do IVF, she says there’s no reason why i couldn’t follow the regular guidance for couples trying non-medicated cycles ie a full year of trying (although at that point i might decide the financial / emotional cost isn’t worth it).
#iui tag#that weekend of wallowing was uhh little bit rough on me but#i feel better and ready to keep moving#applied for a second job for the summer/fall that would help offset the cost#and if i don't hear about that one i might reach out to my old bosses to see if they'd take me back on#i think if i can work out the money stuff it'll just alleviate a lot of the stress around each individual try#like i think a lot of my panic is just watching my savings dwindle so fast#right as i am preparing to take a very sizeable pay cut#the pay cut is 100000% worth it for my sanity lol but it does put pressure on other areas of my life#blah blah okay#i also think i learned a valuable lesson from this last time which is: don't test a day early and in fact consider testing a day late#testing a day early just prolongs the agony of the 'waiting for your period to start' period and tips you from hopeful into despairing#like 24 hours earlier than you need to be there#SO yeah.#idk anyway hopefully the test goes well and i can do this cycle#and if not i will have more info on friday and can make more decisions then
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I feel like I didn't make proper use of today. but I got several loads of laundry done and put fresh bedsheets and such on my bed. and that will have to be enough.
#also finished the 2 scribbles i posted earlier#maybe i'll watch a dvd before i inevitably have to go to bed to be as rested for work tomorrow as i can be...#kinda psyching myself out over this 3rd trial workday ngl#like i know i'll have to do everything on my own now. what if i mess up? what if i cost my boss money by messing up?#what if the customers get angry with me for being too slow???#because i KNOW i'm not as fast or skilled as the other workers#because of stupid brainfog and residual trauma shit#and my social skills and quick thinking are not what they should be#i could try to give it 180% to be on the same level as my coworkers but that'd burn me out in less than a week#i know from experience... has happened in several internships and another trial period before#the last one kickstarted the chronic pain and fatigue too#idk if i can find a good balance orz#also the wellfare application process is so damn difficult and takes weeks to be approved and idk if i can do that again#if i fail at keeping down a job...
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💜
#okay so here’s the thing is that a hardware store near me is having a big sale this weekend and there’s a few things that I had been eyeing#and researching for my home that are on sale like my living room / kitchen have really tall ceilings and I’d need an extra tall ladder to#get up there to change lightbulbs check the fire alarm and paint and they have one on sale from like 160 to 120 tomorrow that seems like a#good choice and I need a random orbital sander for some projects like sanding the wood planks that we are going to use to replace my porch#and I’ve been working on sanding my kitchen table I got used to get the paint off and stain instead and similar with my coffee table and#that’s on sale from like 50 to 20 dollars plus the sanding pads are on sale a few bucks off as well#and I think there’s one or two smaller things plus I need to get groceries tomorrow and I got a coupon in the mail for free fries with a#purchase at a burger place and I was thinking of taking myself out to lunch tomorrow before I saw about the sale and started making#decisions about potentially spending a lot of money and I have anxiety spending money and I’ve been working on it but it’s still something#that I will probably struggle with somewhat for the rest of my life it’s about managing in healthy#ways instead blah blah blah but sometimes when I talk to my aunt about this she gets frustrated with me because she thinks if I need those#things and have the money I should just buy it and not cause a scene about it and I don’t want to be dramatic but it’s like a#piercing adrenaline fear of not having the money to survive or get what I need in the future and anyways this isn’t what I meant to talk#about what I meant to talk about was that I’m thinking of spending a lot of money tomorrow and technically I have the money and the stuff is#on sale at least the hardware stuff not the groceries so despite it feeling like I’m spending a lot of money at once it will be more cost#efficient to buy them tomorrow than if I waited a few months and there wasn’t a sale going on#so I should purchase them and get groceries and maybe MAYBE even take myself out to lunch as a celebration of how much effort I’ve been#putting into fixing up my home that I love so much and just getting through this period of so much change as best I can#and not have a panic attack about it because it’s going to be okay and I have the money and I have a job with money coming in and I need#those items anyway and will need to buy them at some point and they will likely be more expensive in the future so it is okay for me to#spend the money on it now and it’s not the end of the world everything is going to be okay *right*?#I don’t know I’m just talking to myself mostly#this was a way to get my thoughts out about it without being advised to just get over it#also my tummy hurts and I’m being so brave about it#sort of lol
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,
#the family i've been housesitting for for like 12 years have seriously offered me their spare room if i wanted to move in#& i don't think i'd be able to do it this year bc it'd cost me more money living there + the cost of living#but i think next year........if i defer from uni for a bit + start the traineeship i've been considering#i miiiiight think about it. talk to them about it etc#but i'm also p sure i'd be making more money w the traineeship#+ there are more places available down there too#idk i love it up here but also feeling v isolated#BUT ALSO#i get v lonely / fomo before my period & i am HOPING that's what this is#also had a couple of other symptoms of that arriving but. no luck this year so far#w/e we are pushing through it#*
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If you love Disney, its parks, its media, and its merch, listen up.
So I work for Disneyland, and we are talking about striking very soon. So soon, in fact, that we've been hosting rallies just outside of the parks. Yesterday was the 69th birthday of Disneyland Anaheim... it was also a monumental rally.
I haven't seen anyone on tumblr talking about the impending strikes against Disney. Not even going through the Disney tags or searching tumblr for "Disneyland Strike."
Let's talk about why we're striking:
Cost of living in the immediate SoCal region is nearly 2x as much as we are getting paid.
Cast members that have worked for the company for long periods of time are still paid as mucha s new hires.
Disney has showed up to union negotiations with insulting offers, including at 25 cent raise. Most cast members make $19.90
Disney rarely schedules you. In some areas and departments, you are fighting with your fellow cast members for hours. I have heard of cast members who are only scheduled for 1 4-hour shift per week. Many of those cast members have upwards of an hour commute to and from work.
Disney Admin has told attractions castmembers [so: rides, rollercoasters, and anything fun you get to do and see at the parks] that we are losing them money, which is why they refuse to schedule us and pay us. In the words of my partner, who also works at the parks, Disney without attractions is an over glorified mall and a food court. Disney needs us, and they know it, but they do not respect us.
Disney has an unfair attendance policy. It can be very difficult to get a needed day off, even when it has been requested weeks or months in advance. When you do take a day off [with-out accrued sick or vacation time] it counts against you. You can have 3 a month, 6 in 90 days, 9 in 180 days, or 12 in a year. How do you accrue sick/vacation? Hours worked, which can be impossible with the scheduling practices mentioned above. (Most cast members trade shifts among themselves to get around this.)
Cast members feel unsafe and unsupported in the parks. Many cast members have felt threatened by entitled guests upset that they are following policy. Disney Leads and Managers have to say yes to these guests and make things happen, though. [Which only makes this behavior worse and more dangerous for cast members who are only doing their job.]
Cast members also report feeling threatened, or even being literally threatened, by management in the parks. Especially cast members who have a second job. Especially cast members who know their rights.
Further, cast members work in hazardous conditions with pay that does not reflect that. Many cast members report losses of hearing, sore throats, and severe back and shoulder pain. Cast members are also exposed to infectious diseases at a much higher rate.
https://www.sfgate.com/disneyland/article/union-button-contract-dispute-19515296.php?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2u5o_mvU3i6jpIyHxBUZpEzD2GRSKFf5Pem4uRXqa6vKWDgZuffvINd1g_aem_AA1L0fI1phugJIluYMcDSw
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Whenever I feel the urge to finally cosplay Ulqui's segunda etapa, all I need to do is put everything I'd need for it into a shopping cart and look at the final total of what it would cost. And just like that, I recover 😔
#one day#one day i'll have enough money to feel okay splurging this amount on a cosplay#i def could spend it in small increments over a period of eight months or so#but the problem is that i'll still know what the total cost was lmao#and it would still hurt#siiiigh#well. first let's cosplay his regular form.#which i think will finally be this coming year!#(< has been saying this since 2017 XD)#withoutwords
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